I Never
by Elpheen
Summary: [HIATUS]I Never...how does it play out this time? No longer a oneshot but a WIP. Skate: A fairytale without the happy ending.
1. Chapter One

_Kate and Sawyer are in a cell, alone, after being captured over a month ago. Various 'experiments' have been carried out on them and they are both physically weak. Jack has been taken away by The Others, and hasn't been seen for over a week. The room is sparse, with a bunk and two chairs. Sawyer sleeps on the chairs, having insisted on Kate having the bed. He hasn't tried anything on with her, and has made no advances but to hold her when she cries. Kate has stolen a small bottle from a storeroom._

I watch you.

Your eyes flutter occasionally, the corners of your lips turned up, your dreams obviously sweet. The covers have slipped halfway down your chest, and you're lying with one arm thrown out across the pillow and the other resting over the blanket. I smile to see your foot sticking out from under a corner of the covers.

I remember how harsh you used to be, how selfish. But then you changed. Maybe it was your realisation of our loneliness, maybe it was your brush with death. Or maybe…maybe it was me.

I remember how I cried after Ana and Libby's deaths. It seemed so unfair. Especially Libby, who was so good, so right. She didn't deserve to die. I know you knew what I was thinking at that moment. _It should have been me_. I could see it in your eyes as you slid into the seat beside me, feel it in the way you pulled my head onto your shoulder. And you understood.

I feel my heart constrict as you shift in your sleep, praying for you not to wake. I could never do it if you open your eyes. Those beautiful eyes that both torture and comfort with a single glance. I remember every time you looked at me, every time our eyes met. For a second I am struck by anguish and fear, but I use the old trick Jack taught me on our first day on the island.

_One…Two…Three…Four…Five…_

I sigh and reach into my pocket, making sure that it's still there. I am a coward. I know you would argue otherwise, and so would Jack, and most likely everyone else on this damned island. But I'm not brave, and I'm not strong. I'm weak. I know you can survive this, all of this, even if I'm not there to hold your hand. But I could never live without you by my side.

I'm leaving you this, my diary. Read it. Keep it. Destroy it. Show it to them. It is yours to do with what you will. I like to think that you will hold onto it, read and re-read it, knowing that I am always with you. But it may be that it is too painful. I don't want you to hurt. If destroying it stops you from hurting then so be it. It won't make a difference.

I hope you've read this far. I'm sorry I could never say this to you, but then this would all be real. Too real.

Oh God, I want to touch you, hold you, but I can't, won't. I told you I am weak.

I hope that someday you can understand why this is right. It is the only way. I can't go on, not like this.

I'vetaken outthe bottle now. It's so small. Such a small measure of liquid. I hope it doesn't hurt. It doesn't matter really, though, does it?

You sigh in your sleep, and I swear I hear you whisper my name. It's probably only my mind playing tricks on me.

It's almost dawn; I can see the grey light of morning seeping through the little window in the corner.

They'll be here soon. I have to do it now. Now or never. Never. Such a small word, with so many memories. I never. Do you remember? Of course you don't. That night in the jungle, the game we played. I never. How about one last round? I have to drink it somehow.

I close my eyes and then open them. I want you to be the last thing I see, your face imprinted on my mind forever. Here goes…I swallow, uncork the tiny vial.

I never…

I never…

I never…

I never…

Told you that I love you.


	2. Chapter Two

A/N: Okay, here it is, another chapter! Thank you to my wonderful beta reader Hannah, your comments and suggestions for this chapter improved it so much. Thanks also to all of those who reviewed chapter one, it really means a lot to me to know that you enjoyed it. So, without any more ado, onto chapter two...

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Sawyer's POV_

I lie awake, breathing gently, not wanting to let her know I'm not asleep. It's not often I get a chance to simply watch her. She is so strong. After all that they've done to us, she is still so, so strong. I can't believe she hasn't broken yet. She doesn't know it, but I've seen her closing her eyes, willing herself not to give in. The way she can still look them in the eyes after everything they have done to her. She should lower her gaze, but she doesn't. She is so defiant and for that I respect her.

Her past still haunts her. I can see it in her eyes when she looks to me, begs me for help, rescue, safety. And I can't give them to her. I am not worthy of her. Not after everything I have done. No-one is safe around me; I will only hurt them. And she has already suffered so much pain. I want to give her so much. Show her that she is worthy of attention, affection.

I shift slightly, and slit my eyes so I can make out her slender form in the half-light of the cell. She is hunched over her diary, the one part of her I can't reach. She has so many secrets, but I can read her like a book when she catches my eye. I can read her thoughts, her feelings through those beautiful windows. But I can't read her past.

She slips a hand into her pocket and lets out a sigh that's almost a gasp. I wonder what she's doing. I let her write; it seems to be a comfort to her, writing.

She takes out a small bottle, and I let out a breath as I realise what it is she is doing. It's almost dawn. Not that dawn brings any hope. There is no hope in this place. We have not seen true daylight since the day we were brought here, weeks, maybe months ago. The room smells stale, dust gathers in the corners. Even the insects are scared to fly in here, and there are no birds whistling in the mornings. Despite the fact that two people are living in this cell, with a bed and chairs, it is empty. The grey walls disperse any thoughts of happiness, and the claustrophobia is overwhelming. I know how she hates enclosed spaces; she is always restless, pacing back and forth until I sit her down, where she will stay motionless until I suggest she lies down to sleep. The light is filtering through the small window in the corner, casting a pale glow on her tired face. I grimace inwardly at the look of resignation on her face; she used to be so energetic, so opinionated. Now I am lucky if I receive so much as a nod or shake of the head when I ask a question. I want to do nothing more than go to her, hold her.

She swallows, uncorks the vial, and whispers to herself as she writes,

'I never…I never…I never…I never…told you that I love you.'

She puts the bottle to her lips and pours down the clear liquid before I know what she's done. My heart stops as she chokes for a moment on the solution, and I hope, pray that it's not what my head is telling me it must be. She drops her precious diary to the floor, where it lands open on a blank page. Her eyes drift shut, and I have to remind myself to breathe as her legs crumple beneath her. It suddenly hits me how there is no way I can survive without her beside me.I'm off the chairs in a second, catching her before she hits the ground.

'Kate, Kate…' I whisper, wishing her to open her eyes, see me, hear me.

'Sawyer…' her voice is no more than a suffocated gasp, 'Sawyer…'

'Sweetheart, what are you doing?' I hate how my voice is choked with tears; hate how Kate, my Kate, is lying helpless in my arms.

She opens her mouth, but no sound comes out. I hear an animalistic cry fill the room, before I realise that it is me. I shake her, all rational thought gone from my head.'

'Say something, damn it, _say something_.'

I let her go as her breath catches, smashing a chair against the door.

'You've done this to her, you bastards!' I shout, brushing away the tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

I breathe heavily, trying to control my anger. Trashing the room and wearing myself out won't save her.

I glance at the door, knowing that given half a chance I could probably pick the lock. I never tried before, because that would risk endangering her, but now she is already in jeopardy. This is my only option. I know she had a hair slide somewhere, and I run my fingers through her hair, hoping she's wearing it. I ignore the way she feels in my arms, the way it feels so right. I don't know how I am meant to survive if she leaves me. My fingers catch on something sharp, and I gently prise the slide free from her curls.

Lifting her, I move Kate to the bed, laying her down. Unbending the hairpin, I slide it into the lock, years of practice paying off as I hear the satisfying click of the bolt releasing.

Quickly bundling together our precious few possessions, a stolen gun amongst them, I picked up Kate and put her carefully over my shoulder. Slipping out of the room, I pull the door shut behind us, and start off down the long, white corridor.

It reminds me of hospitals. I never liked hospitals. The last time I was in one, I was being told how sorry the doctors were that they couldn't save her. That was when I vowed revenge on him. The man who ruined my life. I push the memories to the back of my mind; there are more important things to be thinking of. Like the way Kate's breathing has slowed right down. I can barely hear her breath, but I know she's still hanging in there.

I reach behind me, pulling the gun from my back pocket, and releasing the safety catch. My instincts kick in as I hear footsteps approaching us. From where I am, there only seems to be one person, so I decide to take my chances. I manage to one-handedly hold the gun steady, surprising considering how inside my nerves are tormenting my gut. A man dressed in the camouflage clothing characteristic of the Others turns the corner, and reaches immediately for what I can only assume is a walkie-talkie of sorts. Before he has time to lift it to his mouth, gun shots echo through the hallway, and the Other hits the floor, coughing up blood. I want to go over to him, and finish him off for good, and I would have done, were it not for Kate's almost lifeless body over my shoulder. Glancing around, I notice a door with a small square window in the top. I know the door is locked before I even touch the handle, and deciding to risk being caught, I shoot the lock. The door swings open to reveal a wilderness of trees and bushes, not dissimilar to the ones on our side of the island. I think to close the door behind us, hoping that They won't examine the door too closely; from a distance it shouldn't look damaged.

I continue running, thinking it ironic that this is exactly what Kate had done all her life. Running. It also crosses my mind that running is how that guy in the Hatch wound up there. But then again, everyone is running from something. Everyone has demons. I guess some are just stronger than others. I shudder, reminding myself that I closed those doors long ago, locked them, and threw away the keys.

There is a distant roll of thunder, and I manage to find some rocks that provide ample shelter for the time being, just in time, because the rain falls hard and fast. For this I am grateful, because it washes away our tracks; even this small advantage is precious.

Lowering Kate to the ground, I push her hair back from her face. Her eyelids flutter, and I smile; she's alive. For now.


	3. Chapter Three

A/N: Just a quick note to say thank you to Hannah, this chapter just wasn't working before you gave me your comments on it. I don't know what I'd do without you!

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**I hear rain as he lays me down gently on the ground. I am surprised by how much he seems to care; it is completely unlike him. Despite the way he would hold me in the cell when my nightmares became too much, he always kept his distance emotionally, never showing any signs of affection. The fact he carried me at all was unexpected, though I guess it was so we could escape together.

My eyes are heavy, weighted, as I lift them to him. I catch a glimpse of relief in his, before the effort of keeping them open becomes too much and I give in to the darkness that offers so much comfort.

Xxxxx

I regain consciousness to a pounding headache, thoughts and questions spinning around in my mind.

Why didn't it work? It should have killed me, released me, as I intended. I never believed in Fate before, but now I begin to wonder. All the things that have been going on in this place can't be coincidence.

Oh God, he knows. He must have been awake to catch me so quickly, which means that he heard me. He knows.

Why did he stay? He could easily have escaped alone, undetected. But with two of us…why?

I gasp as a searing pain shoots through my stomach. He is by me in a second, taking my hand, asking me what's wrong. My throat is dry, so I gesture instead to where it hurts. He rests his hand on my belly, rubbing circles, easing my pain. As it subsides, I try to sit up, and he shifts, pulling me into his lap.

Leaning into him, I begin to wonder what reasons I had for giving up. Now we were out, it all seemed so trivial. Death never frightened me when I was little. I always used to wonder what made people so afraid of it.

It strikes me how quiet he is being. Have I really scared him so much that he feels he can't talk to me?

I swallow, trying to relieve my parched throat, before attempting to talk.

'Sawyer?' No response. 'Sawyer. Talk to me.' I tilt my head, and he's looking into the distance, his beautiful eyes fixated on something invisible to me.

'Why, Kate?' For the first time I hear pain in his voice. 'Why did you do it?'

I am silent. I don't know how I can answer such an honest question. There is no point skirting around the question. For once I have no choice but to stay and face the consequences of my actions. What can I tell him? That I wanted to give up? We have never told each other the truth before, why should we start now? If I tell him the real reason, the honest to God truth, he'll lose whatever respect he had for me in the first place. How can I tell him that I couldn't take it any more, that not even he could prolong my will to live? If I tell him the truth he has a weapon against me, should anything happen. I would be breaking my number one rule of survival: don't trust, don't tell, not anyone. They can only use it to hurt you.

'I…I don't…know.'

His head whips round, and there is fire burning in his eyes as he speaks.

'Kate, you tell me why you did it, why you were gonna end it. You don't do somethin' like that and just brush it off, pretend it don't matter. You know damn well why you were gonna do it, and you're gonna tell me.'

I have a wrenching feeling in my gut as he says this, guilt flowing freely through me. He does care. After all he has said and done, after the insults and the fights, he cares. For me. I turn away, the pain of truth too much to bear. He doesn't want me to die, but he's doing a damn good job of trying to kill me.

_What are you doing?_ The voice in my head is telling me to accept it, that this is what I want, what I've wanted for so long: for him to show an interest in me as more than just a female presence to play with. And it scares me.

_You can't run forever, Katie._

_Why do you always want to run away?_

I want to scream, to run, to hide. I see Tom, the only person who truly loved me, dead and bleeding in the car seat, and feel the resolution inside me once more to never again let a man into my heart.

And then I see him. Sawyer. He knows what it is to never trust another, to always live an alibi. He understands. For the first time in over a decade, I let down my guard.

'It was just too much, Sawyer. I couldn't take it any more. You were always so strong in there, and I was so weak.'

'Honey, that ain't no reason to go drinking poisons.'

His voice is dangerous, and I know from past experience that he's not one to play fair in a fight. I don't reply, and he knows that this isn't the whole truth. But he also knows that I'm not one to share easily, and so he drops it. For now. We sit in silence for a while, trying to pretend we're not lost on an island with nothing but each other.

'How did you get that stuff anyway?'

I smile. Suddenly all he's interested in is how I'm a thief. Figures.

'You remember the store cupboard we always passed on the way to the bathroom?'

'Yeah.'

I wonder how he will take what I'm going to say next. This should be interesting…

'And you know The Other who always took us to and from the bathroom? The young one with dark hair?'

'Mm…' I can see his eyes shifting, seeing where this is headed.

'Well let's just say I exchanged a favour for a favour…anything I wanted from the storeroom.'

'In exchange for…?'

Laughing, I hit him playfully, 'I'm not telling you. Use your imagination.'

I smirk at him as his eyes darken.

'What, you're not…_jealous_, are you, Sawyer?'

'No, course not. Just…I don't think you should be giving out 'favours' in return for bottles of poison, s'all.'

His eyes have narrowed, and his jaw is set. I also notice how his arm has tightened its grip on my waist possessively, and I am surprised by how comfortable I am in this position.

'You _are_!'

'Well, what if I am jealous, sweetcheeks? You gonna do somethin' about it?'

I am sorely tempted to take him up on that offer, but my stomach isn't feeling too good, and the sun is slowly rising in the sky.

'It's getting hot, Sawyer, we should find someplace shadier.'

The spark in his eyes is gone as I move from his lap and we stand up, brushing ourselves off. I hand him the bag of what I can only assume is supplies.

'You okay to walk, Freckles?'

'Yeah, I think so. For now at least.'

We begin to trek through the jungle, stopping every so often for rests. At a small stream, we refill the one bottle of water we have between us, and continue on our way, a comfortable silence settling between us, with the occasional comment about the weather, the scenery. It feels almost…normal. There is still so much unspoken between us, but for now he seems happy to let it slide.

Sawyer is a few paces ahead of me when I lose my footing on some mud, and slip down the hill. I have no breath to shout for him as I lose control of my thoughts. The trees flash past my eyes, and I am falling, with no sense of direction, beginning or end. There is one word stuck in my head as I fall, repeating over and over, _Sawyer. Sawyer. Sawyer_, his face painted in my mind. It suddenly strikes me that he is all I have left here, and as I try to comprehend this and what it means, I feel a sharp pain against my head, and the world stops spinning.

The last thing I hear before darkness claims me is the ominous whispering of the jungle, as the rain once more begins to fall.


	4. Chapter Four

_A/N: Sorry, no new chapters yet, but here is the edited version of Chapter 4. It's a little longer, and slightly more in-depth. Bear with me while I get Chapter 5 written!_

As we walk in silence, I try to keep track of our surroundings, just in case. I try to slow my pace slightly, so Kate can walk beside me and not feel pressured to keep up. Normally our strides are evenly matched, but with her in this state she is walking much slower than usual. There is still a part of me that wants to abandon her, screw all this protective crap, and go back to what I used to be; caring only for myself. Immediately, guilt courses through me. I know that I could never leave her to fend for herself, she would never survive. I smile knowing that she would vehemently protest otherwise.

Finding a small stream, we stop for water. There is colour in her cheeks, I am relieved to see, and her eyes have regained their spark. She notices me staring, and smiles coyly, 'Like what you see?'

I have to laugh at her too-obvious-to-be-serious flirting, and reply, 'Well, Freckles, for a girl who's been locked away for near two months and just drank a bottle of poison, I have to admit you're lookin' pretty damn good.' I hope that if I joke about our imprisonment, the pain will ease, but for now it remains as prominent in my heart as ever.

She smiles again at my good-natured response, and I realise how comfortable I feel in her presence. For the first time since Cassie, I find myself falling for a girl, a woman, without any warning. What started out as playful flirting has become so much more; I can only hope that she feels it in return. And this time it's for real. No cons, no cheating. Not like the last time, or the time before that.

Noticing the rain clouds beginning to gather once more overhead, I suggest we continue walking, and we fall once more into companionable silence.

Suddenly I become aware of the fact that we are not alone, and sure enough, I hear whispers, those ominous voices filling my head. Covering my ears, trying to block them out, it is not long before I realise that Kate is no longer just behind me.

'Freckles?' No response. 'Kate?'

Fear begins to creep into my thoughts. Trying to think rationally, I turn back and begin retracing my steps. Knowing that I can't track worth a damn, I growl my frustration, cursing the jungle, the island, myself for losing her. Why did I bring her with me? Locked away, she was relatively safe, at least from monsters and spirit whispers. Now she's missing and it's all my fault. I think of how much I've come to enjoy, even rely on her company; her easy banter, her cautious smile.

_You let her get to you, didn't you?_

_Remember the last time you let a woman get under your skin?_

_You don't, can't feel anything for her._

I berate myself, knowing that it's true. I have come to genuinely care for her, possibly even- no, I can't let myself think that.

Hearing a rustling in the trees, I spin around, and follow the noise, keeping my hand on the stolen gun. As I come to a clearing in the jungle, I do a double take. Standing in front of me, healthy and glossy, is a horse. Kate's horse. Thinking back to the summers spent on my uncle's ranch, I remember my horse, Whisper. He was a beautiful stallion, as wild as the fields he roamed, and yet somehow he trusted me. Maybe I have a way with animals, maybe he sensed that I was the same as him. Either way, I would ride him endlessly throughout the summer, only returning when dusk fell. This horse, who Kate seems to know, might be able to lead me to her. I approach slowly, relaxed, knowing that animals can sense emotions, especially those intended to hurt. Reaching out, I touch his silky coat, and note how healthy he is, despite living on a tropical island quite unsuited to horses.

The heavens open, and the rain begins to pour as I let the horse nuzzle my shoulder, before it turns and trots into the undergrowth. Following quickly, not letting it leave my sight, the horse leads me to the bottom of a muddy bank. I look around, and when I glance over my shoulder, the horse has vanished.

Seeing a flash of white in the mud, I run over to find Kate curled up like a child. She is shaking, her eyes closed, and as I touch her she recoils. It hurts me more than I would have imagined having her shrink away from me.

'Kate?'

'No, no, don't touch me, no,' she is sobbing, her voice a hoarse whisper and childlike, and I realise she is dreaming.

'Kate, it's me, Sawyer,' I try to shake her awake, but she cries more, and I despair at what to do. 'Kate, wake up.'

'No!' She shouts unexpectedly, and this is enough. She is obviously in pain, and I can't bear seeing her hurt. Despite her protests, I take her in my arms and hold her close, sitting in the mud, stroking her hair until her breathing evens out and her eyes flutter open.

'Hey there, sweetheart,' I smile, my voice gentle and relieved, not wanting to disturb her. 'Had a surprise visit from that horse of yours out in the jungle. Hate to think what would have happened if it hadn't found me and led me to you.'

I wipe the traces of tears from her face, but she jumps as if burned. She looks at me, her face a mask of confusion. Pulling away from me, she stands up and looks around.

'A horse? I…I don't understand,' her eyes are full of fear as she eyes our surroundings. 'Where am I?'

My heart catches on a beat as her question strikes home. I would have thought she was joking, teasing, but the fear in her eyes is so real, I know she's deadly serious. I shake her shoulders, the rain making her hair stick to her cheeks. Pushing her curls away from her face, I make eye contact, unblinking.

'Freckles, Kate, we escaped, remember? Are you sure you didn't bang your head when you fell?'

She looks me in the eye, those beautiful green orbs brimming with tears of bewilderment and apprehension. She glances around, trying to take in her surroundings, before a tentative whisper falls from her lips, barely audible in the downpour.

'Who are you?'


	5. Chapter Five

**A/N: Once again, all credit goes to Hannah...without your help, this chapter would be a mess. Sorry the waits between new chapters are so long, but school and work are really tough at the moment, and I don't have a great deal of spare time. It means a lot to me to know that people are still following the story! As always, reviews keep me motivated, and more likely to keep writing! Enjoy :o)**

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I'm confused. I hurt. I have a headache to rival the worst hangover, but I don't recall hitting my head. Supporting myself on a shaky hand, I feel wet mud between my fingers, with damp leaves sticking to my arm. The air smells fresh, as if there has just been a storm, and dappled sunlight is falling through the trees. 

I realise that someone is talking to me, a man…Southern by the way he drawls his words. His voice is soft, soothing. Something inside me turns at the sound of it; the strange familiarity of it. At the same time, I am scared. Who is he? Why does he seem to know me? I register that he mentions a horse that brought him to me. He must be crazy. I pull away from him, standing up, though my legs are somewhat shaky.

'Horse? I…I don't understand,' my voice cracks as I talk, my throat dry. Swallowing, I try to force some conviction into my speech, 'Where am I? And…who are you?'

His face clouds with fear, confusion. I realise that he is in fact quite good-looking; roughly cut sandy hair, and rugged features, with intense blue eyes. He looks older than his years, like he's seen and done too much. There is hurt there too, deep, lasting pain that cannot heal. _Like me, _I think, before dispelling the thought.

'You don't…you don't know me?' His voice is so full of pain, genuine hurt, and I wonder if maybe he's not so crazy after all.

'No…should I?'

'Freckles, it's me, Sawyer,' he grasps my shoulders and looks into my eyes. 'We just spent two months together stranded on a mystery island, before being caught and locked up by The Others. Don't tell me you've forgotten.'

I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts. Pushing his hands from my shoulders, I give him a warning look.

'An island? 'Others'? I eye him sceptically. 'I've never left Iowa. I don't know what the hell you're talking about.'

I turn to walk into the dense jungle that surrounds us. I must have gone for a walk, and knocked my head after a fall – my clothes are torn and muddy – or else this is just a really bizarre dream.

'Oh, and by the way,' I call behind me, 'My name's not 'Freckles'; it's Katie.'

I start walking, pushing my way through the various plants and trees. Somehow everything seems vaguely familiar.

The last thing I remember is taking a walk through the forest behind our house. I let out a sigh of relief, standing taller, the weight of the air surrounding my home left behind. Wayne was drunk again, and I managed to slip out the back door unnoticed by him or Mom. It was early evening, and as I got deeper into the undergrowth, I heard footsteps behind me. Running, I must have tripped on a rock, and woken bruised and dirty, before this 'Sawyer' guy found me. Though he seemed concerned enough about me, I don't need looking after. I mean, I'm sixteen; I can take care of myself.

All my life I've had people telling me what to do, where to go, what to say. For once I was making my own decision, running away. But this time I was going to run and run, not once looking back. So many times I'd looked longingly out of the window, wondering what it would be like to take that snatch of freedom, that leap of faith. Only this time I was determined to make it a reality.

'Kate, stop!' I hear his voice behind me, cutting through the moist air. 'You can't keep running away from me, and I'm not letting you wander through the jungle alone.'

I turn; ready to argue my case against him, when an echo rings through the trees. The ground is shaking, and I hear the crash of trees falling. Terrified, I crouch in the leaves, taking shelter under a large plant. All at once I am a child again, hiding from Wayne as he stumbled about the house, blind drunk. Curled up, I can't see anything, I can only hear the sound of whatever creature, thing, is in the jungle. There are explosions nearby, and a stray twig slices my cheek as I look up. Feeling warm blood trickling down my face, I wipe it with my sleeve, wincing as it stings, tears coming to my eyes. Then, as suddenly as it started, it stops.

Silence.

Shakily pulling myself to my feet, I glance through the trees warily, hoping that whatever it was has no intention of returning. Hearing footsteps, I jump round, immediately on guard, but as a figure emerges from the jungle rubbing his head, I sigh.

'It's you,' I eye him cautiously, wondering if he had anything to do with what just happened.

'Yeah, 's me, Freckles. Sorry to disappoint you,' he snaps. As he draws nearer, he notices what I can only assume is an ugly gash across my face. His expression changes to one of concern, and he hurries over, tilting my face up to the light.

'Are you okay, sweetheart?' He inquires as he examines my face. A part of me wants to slap his hand away, tell him to get lost, but another part of me feels comfortable in his presence, like this is someone who has always cared for me.

'I'm fine,' I say through gritted teeth, deciding that I'm fed up of being treated inferior to everyone. 'What was that…_thing_, anyway?'

He glances around cautiously, as if expecting it to return, before looking me in the eye, and for the first time I see a glimmer of fear, though he quickly masks this from my curious gaze.

'Hell, sweetheart, how would I know? Maybe it's the polar bear, come back from the dead to haunt me.'

I let out a shaky laugh, though his comment about the bear confuses me. Rubbing my head, I decide that it's probably best for me not to ask questions, and I look around, wondering what to do.

'Your head okay, Freckles?'

I look up at Sawyer, nodding.

'I'll be fine. Just a headache,' I smile.

He takes a look around, weighing up the surrounding undergrowth, before glancing back over at me.

'I guess we should make a move on. Find someplace to make camp for the night.'

He starts walking back into the jungle, and I follow warily, knowing that without him, I'm lost.


	6. Chapter Six

**A/N: Right, the usual stuff, thanks Hannah for your input :o) and as always, leave me reviews with your thoughts/comments/ideas/criticism...**

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I watch silently, as Kate turns from me and walks into the dense undergrowth, her words trailing behind her, 'My name's not "Freckles"; it's Katie.'

In that instant, I know that something is wrong. Since we arrived on the island, she's always been Kate, it's how she introduced herself to everyone. Confusion soon turns to frustration; I don't think I've ever managed to finish a conversation with her, without her turning away, or running from me.

'Kate, stop!' My voice cuts through the air, sounding hollow in the cool silence. Frustrated, I know that shouting after her won't change her mind; she's so damn stubborn.

'Fine. You want to get eaten by a polar bear, Freckles? Go ahead. Just don't count on Prince Charming comin' to the rescue.'

Normally I'd let her be; she knows enough to take care of herself. Hell, she's probably better at living in the wild than I am, what with all her tracking skills. I smirk inwardly at the deal I made with her, the night we spent together, when she offered me _carte blanche_ for her help in tracking that damn boar. I shake my head; that was another world, another life, different again from the one I led before this island, and the one I'm living now.

My thoughts are interrupted by a loud crash off to my right. Fear grips at my heart, as I realise that Kate will have no idea what's going on, judging by her earlier confusion. Running through the trees, I hear a scream, and my heart stops cold, before I turn towards the sound.

The sudden silence in the absence of the explosions rings in my ears as I gain my bearings. Rubbing my head, I stumble through the bushes, hoping to hell that she's okay. Looking up, I see a figure take a step out of the bushes, and smile in relief. I am surprised by the conflicting emotions inside me; part of me wanting to hold her close, never letting her go, the rest of me wanting to shake her, shout at her, for being so careless.

'It's you,' her words cut through the stillness of the trees, full of disappointment that hurts more than it should. There is also caution in her voice, apprehension. The fact that she doesn't know whether to trust me scares me. We had grown so close, and to be torn apart like this is hell. To have her standing so near, and yet being unable to touch her evokes emotions I didn't know I had. The note of disdain in her voice reverts me to the man I once was: cold, hated. Alone.

I harden my tone, push down the feelings of regret, 'Yeah, 's me, Freckles. Sorry to disappoint you.'

With a wry smile hiding the worry drifting beneath the surface, I step towards her, ready to berate her for running off like that, but my eyes home in on the gash on her cheek. My pain thrown aside, I move quickly to her, not able to bear the fact that she is hurting.

I take her face in my hands, scanning for other injuries, before examining her cut.

'Are you okay, sweetheart?'

Surprisingly, after all that's happened, she doesn't pull away, but her muttered 'I'm fine' betrays her frustration, and I smile. Now she sounds more like the Kate I know.

When she asks about the monster in the jungle, I dispel my fear, knowing that I have to be strong, confident, for her. For so long I've only had to take care of myself, not once looking behind to see if anyone followed my example. But she…she's changed me. _And not necessarily for the better_, I remind myself. I always found those who worked with a partner weak, foolish, especially when that partner was a woman. But Kate…I smirk as I picture working with her, conning together; I have no doubt that we'd make a great team, my experience combined with her distracting smile, her quick conversation. I shake my head, ridding myself of the fantasy.

As for the monster, it's black smoke, for Christ's sake! The explosions have never hurt anyone, disconcerting though they are, and whatever it is, I'm sure I've seen worse before.

I answer her with a grin, stepping away slightly, 'Hell, sweetheart, how would I know? Maybe it's the polar bear, come back from the dead to haunt me.'

She rubs her head, and immediately I am on guard. Could it be she's hurt inside, somewhere I can't see? The speed with which she can bring panic to my mind is crazy. The only other person who came close to doing that was Cassidy. _And you know how that turned out_. But this isn't spontaneous; Kate's a chisel, small and determined, slowly breaking down my barriers, one brick at a time.

'Your head okay, Freckles?'

She smiles and nods, alleviating my worry. The fact it's 'just a headache' doesn't mean anything; there are all sorts of problems that start with a headache, but I force myself to let it go.

I look around, trying to judge the best way to go, before glancing back at Kate.

'I guess we should make a move on. Find someplace to make camp for the night.'

I walk into the trees, knowing that she will follow, has no choice; I am her only chance of survival. That thought gives me strength, the knowledge that she will have to rely on me. For once, I _want_ to be able to look after someone, take care of them; when I was a kid I could barely take care of a gerbil, let alone another person. Any pet granted me by my parents never survived more than a month. I've always been selfish, always wanting, never giving back. And now it seems as though Fate has finally given me the opportunity to redeem myself.


End file.
